It's Been a While, My Friend

How long has it been since I've last blogged? I'm losing my passion for sharing my thoughts publicly. Actually, I've been writing my thoughts on a journal. However, I would like to share some of my thoughts.

Here is my top five:

5) I'm off of probation from work. It feels good to be more or less permanent. Actually I have about 2 more years to receive tenure, which makes it a tad more difficult to get fired from work. As if I would screw up royally at work to begin with.

Medical school is probably something that will not happen for me. Aside from the MCAT and going back to school and blowing thousands of dollars for another degree, I realize that it has never really been my passion. Don't get me wrong, I love the sciences. There's beauty of how God has organized the universe to correspond to physics, mathematics, chemistry, and biology, and all in simultaneous sequences. I definitely find it fascinating. However, I don't have enough passion to endure more schooling. At least, that's what I would like to believe. I think it was the money that made it a very attractive career to pursue, which any young adult will learn quickly that money NEVER brings happiness, even in recession conditions. Perhaps I will find myself in my forty's thinking to myself, "I should have gone to Med School." I swear that mid-life crisis is going to smack me hard.

However, my current job is not really the ideal place to be, but I like where I am at this moment. Perhaps there will be more doors to open where I am, but I'm still thankful for God blessing me with this opportunity.

4) Another thing that I love about my work is all the free time. I think it's making me more lazy, but I'm hoping to combat it. I've been thinking about becoming "publicly" involved with ministry once again. Being in a Young Adult Ministry has really fired up my faith somewhat. However, I think I want to take it slowly. A lot has happened since I've graduated college in 2008 and joined in young adult ministry in 2010. That gap has revealed a lot of challenges and weaknesses that I definitely have to tackle and address. I need the ministering more at this moment than being the actual minister. I'm not ready. Perhaps I may not be "ready" ever again, and probably the best thing is to just step back and trust in others to guide me in my faith. I hope that I built my foundation with God well in college. It's probably a good time to reinforce that foundation and make it something better. I always remember Fr. John Francis' constant message that it's not shameful to ask others for help when you can't do it yourself. I'm in a place in my faith where I need others to guide me to a stronger relationship with Him. I need Him more so than I thought I did.

I definitely have a longer way to go, and I hope that I have companions to travel with me on this journey.

3) For those who wrote on my Facebook with birthday greetings, thanks! I'm terrible at writing "thank you's" for birthday greetings. However, I'm always touched when great friends who I haven't talked to in ages write "happy birthday" on my wall or via text or via phone call. Hopefully, we will catch up again someday.

2) Speaking of which, I really do miss friends and companions in Irvine and the greater Southern California area. I think this point speaks for itself.

I hope you are all doing awesome with your lives.

1) Looking at these last four points, I'm honestly really scared of the future. Where will I go from here? Is there anything exciting that will happen in the months or years to come? I've found my life somewhat stable in the madness and chaos of the world. Will it stay that way? I've started to address issues about myself. Can I overcome these issues? Will it reveal other issues that need to be addressed? It's funny that I say that my life is "stable", I feel like I'm too exposed and on a weak position. I feel like I'm in an unstable place and time.

Maybe this Holy Week will reveal the hope for something new.

For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength.

1 Corinthians 1:25

That is all.