It Just Isn't The Same...

Because I knew You...I have been changed for good.

-From the Musical Wicked

That was the statement that has resonated last weekend when I visited some of my good friends in Irvine. The question actually came up from a conversation from a friend. While this blog entry is not a direct response to this individual's concerns, it is definitely a statement that has popped in my mind every time I have visited Southern California as an alumnus. Perhaps it is a statement that has popped up the minds of all of us as well.

During a conversation at work, we were discussing what has been the best year we had so far. I tend to be quiet at work, so I didn't vocally answered. However, in my mind I knew that my best year so far was 2008. It was my last year in college, my classes were not too difficult, and I spent so much quality time with all my friends. This was also the year that I was forced to move back home because of the lack of a job, and it was also the year when the economy went completely sour. However, even with this terrible moment in my personal life that year, I had a blast, especially during that last week. During my "final" meeting in Liwanag before I left for the Bay Area, another friend and myself were prayed over by those I have considered my second family. That prayer to me was in a way an offering of spiritual supplies for my new journey in life as a recent graduate.

When I finally settled down back home, I visited from time to time, mostly because of the big events. It was also a time to catch up with those who I haven't talked to in a while. In these scarce opportunities in Irvine, I noticed that it was no longer the place that I once knew. My friends graduated in each passing year, and new people came in. I have had the opportunity to meet the young blood, and they are definitely a very good bunch. However, there was no realistic way to become close friends. I went to a few Liwanag meetings as an alumnus. While I'm glad at how big and fruitful the ministry has been, it has no longer the same effect that it had on me as an undergraduate. Even the Masses at Interfaith were not as impactful spiritually as it was back in the day. Things have changed. It just wasn't the same.

This visit really made the changes more apparent. 2011, the last class I have closely knew of prior to moving home, is graduating. Many of my other friends are now moving on to graduate school and spectacular or at the very least decent jobs. Some have even started their families (I probably should start working on that.). I look at myself, and I can confidently say that I have progressed somewhat as well. I am no longer in probation at work. I am currently content with where I am, and I look forward to the future. I have been challenged fiercely by God to look at my spiritual life. I have become an individual that has noticed my struggles and vices and has made a serious effort to combat them, which is definitely something I have never thought of even as a Logger. I have turned into a person that was principally and morally relative to someone who has stronger convictions in the faith. While I do have a much longer way to go, I have changed a bit myself.

Ultimately things will never be the same from 2008 or even before then. Can it ever be the same? Do we really want things to be the same? I believe the changes that I have observed have been a sort of response from the Almighty Himself. The changes, regardless of how drastic or how mundane they may be, has compelled me and has perhaps compelled us to look back and see where we progressed with God. Since 2008, He has blessed me and challenged me in so many ways. It was like His voice was a tad more clear in these last few years. Probably because I was a lot more fearful and vulnerable at my life since leaving Irvine and experiencing the drastic changes. For me at least, it was these changes when I found myself at my particularly weakest moment, when I have nothing to cover myself or keep my mind occupied with trivial things when God has spoken the loudest. Who knows what would've happened if I stayed in Southern California. Perhaps, I hate to admit, I would have never reflected my life this way if things didn't change. More seriously, I probably would have never changed.

Whether we are still active members of Liwanag or not, we are still going towards the same destination, to be with Him. However, for me and for many others, the path as an undergraduate active member has ended back in 2008. Instead, I have been directed into a new path. We all have been directed into new paths. While, we can no longer see each other as frequently as before, I always cherish those rare moments when we cross paths from time to time. I will always hope and pray that we see each other in the final destination. Godspeed in your new paths of life.

Liwanag for Life.

Child of God for life.

He has made everything appropriate to its time, and has put the timeless into their hearts, without men's ever discovering, from beginning to end, the work which God has done.

-Ecclesiastes 3:11 (NAB)

A.M.D.G.

It's Been a While, My Friend

How long has it been since I've last blogged? I'm losing my passion for sharing my thoughts publicly. Actually, I've been writing my thoughts on a journal. However, I would like to share some of my thoughts.

Here is my top five:

5) I'm off of probation from work. It feels good to be more or less permanent. Actually I have about 2 more years to receive tenure, which makes it a tad more difficult to get fired from work. As if I would screw up royally at work to begin with.

Medical school is probably something that will not happen for me. Aside from the MCAT and going back to school and blowing thousands of dollars for another degree, I realize that it has never really been my passion. Don't get me wrong, I love the sciences. There's beauty of how God has organized the universe to correspond to physics, mathematics, chemistry, and biology, and all in simultaneous sequences. I definitely find it fascinating. However, I don't have enough passion to endure more schooling. At least, that's what I would like to believe. I think it was the money that made it a very attractive career to pursue, which any young adult will learn quickly that money NEVER brings happiness, even in recession conditions. Perhaps I will find myself in my forty's thinking to myself, "I should have gone to Med School." I swear that mid-life crisis is going to smack me hard.

However, my current job is not really the ideal place to be, but I like where I am at this moment. Perhaps there will be more doors to open where I am, but I'm still thankful for God blessing me with this opportunity.

4) Another thing that I love about my work is all the free time. I think it's making me more lazy, but I'm hoping to combat it. I've been thinking about becoming "publicly" involved with ministry once again. Being in a Young Adult Ministry has really fired up my faith somewhat. However, I think I want to take it slowly. A lot has happened since I've graduated college in 2008 and joined in young adult ministry in 2010. That gap has revealed a lot of challenges and weaknesses that I definitely have to tackle and address. I need the ministering more at this moment than being the actual minister. I'm not ready. Perhaps I may not be "ready" ever again, and probably the best thing is to just step back and trust in others to guide me in my faith. I hope that I built my foundation with God well in college. It's probably a good time to reinforce that foundation and make it something better. I always remember Fr. John Francis' constant message that it's not shameful to ask others for help when you can't do it yourself. I'm in a place in my faith where I need others to guide me to a stronger relationship with Him. I need Him more so than I thought I did.

I definitely have a longer way to go, and I hope that I have companions to travel with me on this journey.

3) For those who wrote on my Facebook with birthday greetings, thanks! I'm terrible at writing "thank you's" for birthday greetings. However, I'm always touched when great friends who I haven't talked to in ages write "happy birthday" on my wall or via text or via phone call. Hopefully, we will catch up again someday.

2) Speaking of which, I really do miss friends and companions in Irvine and the greater Southern California area. I think this point speaks for itself.

I hope you are all doing awesome with your lives.

1) Looking at these last four points, I'm honestly really scared of the future. Where will I go from here? Is there anything exciting that will happen in the months or years to come? I've found my life somewhat stable in the madness and chaos of the world. Will it stay that way? I've started to address issues about myself. Can I overcome these issues? Will it reveal other issues that need to be addressed? It's funny that I say that my life is "stable", I feel like I'm too exposed and on a weak position. I feel like I'm in an unstable place and time.

Maybe this Holy Week will reveal the hope for something new.

For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength.

1 Corinthians 1:25

That is all.

In Regards to Freedom of Choice

"For if it's true that the developing fetus is morally equivalent to a child, then abortion is morally equivalent to infantcide. And few would maintain that government should let parents decide for themselves whether to kill their children. So the "pro-choice" position on the abortion debate is not really neutral on the underlying moral and theological question; it implicitly rests on the assumption that the Catholic Church's teaching on the moral status of the fetus...is false.... It is not enough to say that the law should be neutral on moral and religious questions. The case for permitting abortion is no more neutral than the case for banning it. Both positions presuppose some answer to the underlying moral and religious controversy."

Michael Sandel

The major problem of this country is when we argue about issues like abortion, we discuss it in such morally and religiously neutral terms in the hopes of avoiding endless public disagreement. The problem is that we have already found ourselves in endless disagreement because of our neutrality.

If we as a society can discuss our real beliefs, differences, fears, and concerns, perhaps we can find some real consensus and real justice for all, especially for those who are unborn.

The Funniest Thing Happened Today...

Secularists are wrong when they ask believers to leave their religion at the door before entering into the public square. Frederick Douglass, Abraham Lincoln, William Jennings Bryan, Dorothy Day, Martin Luther King -- indeed, the majority of great reformers in American history -- were not only motivated by faith, but repeatedly used religious language to argue for their cause. So to say that men and women should not inject their "personal morality" into public policy debates is a practical absurdity. Our law is by definition a codification of morality, much of it grounded in the Judeo-Christian tradition.

-Barack Obama

I find it funny when people describe the fight for gay marriage as something similar to the fight to end slavery or to establish civil rights. There is no way to compare the two events because unlike today's issue, abolitionism or civil rights was more of an experience bounded in the Christian faith, not just an education or tolerance lesson.

Second, I find it also funny that people can't describe or are unwilling to describe what they truly believe in. We talk and discuss in terms of moral neutrality and relativism. However, what we have created from our neutrality is power plays and a marginalization of the opposing view, rather than a discussion to persuade or at the very least to establish true tolerance