The 21st Century American Virgin

Last week, I had a very interesting conversation with one of my good friends back home. I was surprised when she confided in me some very private issues. While I won't divulge as to what happened out of respect, all I will say is that the more I live out my youth, the more I am proud of abstaining from sex.

I am definitely a product of the abstinence only sex education. I didn't really care because considering my strong devotion to the Christian faith and ultimately my lack of skills in approaching girls during grade school, abstinence was a good fit. It wasn't until college when I saw my first condom (Our hall and the Health Eductation Department at UCI gave out free condoms and mini lubes). In fact, many of my dorm friends were really inexperienced in using a condom, probably a product of either the abstinence only education or a very generalized sex education system. However, it's college, and everyone is willing to "experiment"even though they do make mistakes (and sometimes those mistakes do cost them dearly). I still stuck to my celibacy in college, mostly because I still latched on to my faith and I still ultimatley lacked skills in approaching women. As now a graduate and therefore a young adult, I will admit that I sense a little pressure to lose my virginity, but it is WAY minute compared to college and even less compared to high school. After my conversation with my good friend, thank God I never pursued actually having sex.

The country has indeed changed the way it has viewed sex today. While our education system continues to teach an abstinence through fear agenda, there is now an overwhelming number of young people (and when I mean young, I mean possibly in the young 'teens) who are a tad more "experienced" than even myself (I don't know if that's a bad thing or a good thing). Perhaps we can blame the media (as always) for the overwhelming numbers. The biggest downside to this is that we find our country with the highest number of teen pregnancies in the developed world, one of the highest numbers of new STD cases, and one of the highest number of abortions performed in the world. Definitely, we can't deny that our sex education through abstinence has failed. However, I do fear the alternative that will probably be the norm in the future, sex education through contraceptives (condoms, birth control, etc.). While I don't like the idea of a bunch of Christian hoohahs trying to scare our kids into not having sex by false ideas and numbers, I also don't appreciate the "good" people of Planned Parenthood teaching our kids that their first response to their raging hormones is how to put on a condom or how to use the pill.

Overall, I still believe abstinence is the best choice over safe sex, even though as of now that is not so convincing considering all the numbers today. However, I don't believe in the abstinence through fear (even though that does play a small role in our celibacy) that we have been teaching today, rather we should be teaching abstinence through empowerment. At the end of the day, how I stayed abstinent was to realize that love, especially at the initial stages, shouldn't be influenced on the physical aspects. It is unbelievable to me how many people believe that how we love someone is synonymous to if we are willing to sleep with them and them some. Also, long term love at this age and especially in the 'teens, is the last thing most people usually think about. Sure there are those that actually do love each other, but it is of the rarest of occasions at this age. Otherwise, we should be teaching how to actually filter out what is first of all real love and who are ultimately the perverted douchebags and assholes of our society (and there are definitely a lot of them!). This is what I mean through empowerment. We should be teaching the now (sadly) revolutionary concept that we don't have to sleep with the first person we like. Also, while we are destined to find our sex education teaching about condoms and the pill, it should be designed to be the safety net, NOT the primary response.

The reason why I wrote about this topic is not because I am having second thoughts about my virginity. Also, I'm not pointing fingers at you, the readers of this blog. Rather, it should be a discussion that should stay active, even at our age. As we start to reconsider how sex in America should be taught, we should also consider our futures, especially our potential kids. Whatever we decide today will be taught to our kids in the later years. While it is true that we as the parent has an even greater influence on how our kids think about sex, we can't doubt the fact that our education system will have a significant influence as well. I also believe that this topic will indeed affect other important issues as well, from the future of abortions to even how we treat and love our significant other.

When my friend at the dorms found out that I was a celibate virgin, she tagged me as a dinosaur, someone that was once walking giants of this Earth, but is now going extinct. I don't want the concpet of abstinence to go the way of the dodo. Indeed, I am not the perfect example of a virgin because I do laugh and even indulge at the inappropriate (it's too hard to resist!). On the other hand, no matter what, I am still a virgin and proud of it. There is indeed great freedom to staying celibate. I don't have to worry about so much like diseases or getting a girl pregnant. As a result, I can do so many other things with my independence. Also, while physical characteristics do play some role with whom I'm attracted to, it definitely is not the most important or even the sole factor with whom I fall in love with.

I just wish other people realize that as well.

That is all.