The Love that Constrains Us

Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (NAB)

I have recently read The Reason for God by Timothy Keller and have attempted to write about the book and have miserably failed. I must have a few drafts of this entry. However, after coming back from Southern California and reflecting about the book, I should try again.

One of the major points that this book addresses is the idea that Christianity is too constraining, like a straight-jacket. There are people out there that do believe that all we need is love, compassion, and respect for one another, not a faith and overall not a God that tells us what to do and constricts our freedom. What the book points out is the one word that these same people assume is synonymous to "freedom", love, is rather a fallacy...to a degree.

First off, freedom is not as simple to define as it is assumed to be. Freedom can mean the absence of confinement and constraint. However, this is a massive oversimplification. Why does confinement and constraint have to be a negative concept? Can we also argue that some reasonable confinement and constraint can be a way to the path of liberation, to FREEDOM? Consider it this way. What would happen to us if our parents our guardians did not guide us or even discipline us when we were kids? We'd most likely would have find our lives screwed up at this point, and now we may be finding someone or something that can actually help us get out of the hole we may have dug ourselves, if we even can get out. However, because of the guidance, the discipline, the constraints, we are more set up to eventually be free and liberated from our parents because they have actually taught us and gave us the confidence to face the world by ourselves. I believe that there is no one out there that thinks that humans have the right to do everything they want. I don't think anyone believes that freedom ultimately means the absence of constraints and rules. Rather through some reasonable rules and discipline, we can actually find freedom through fulfillment and joy in our lives.

It's really funny when people use the word "love" as path to freedom in terms of making confinements and constraints not necessary, therefore making Christianity and God not necessary. To get to the point, love is never synonymous to freedom. Just think about physical relationships. We ultimately give up our autonomy when we fall in love with someone and decide to have a long term relationship with them. Sometimes, we may actually be disappointed about this. Even when we search for love, we give a bit of our autonomy by trying to change and discipline ourselves to do in order to attract someone, and as most of us know, we are sometimes disappointed with the results of this as well. There's always the option to not love in order to maintain our independence, but in the words of C.S. Lewis:

Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket--safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternate to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation.

There is a degree of risk when we fall in love with someone. We may first have to accept the fact that we might be accepted or rejected. Then, after we are accepted and eventually find our relationship to be in the long term, we further risk giving up some of the things we do to ensure that the relationship stays together. At the same time, our partner or potential partner in life is or will be risking the exact same things as well. They have to go through the acceptance or rejection process. They also have to give up a part of their independence. There is no such thing of a good relationship in which one does all the sacrificing and the other still maintains his or her independence and autonomy. These are the conditions of love.

When we reflect our own physical relationships or our search for a relationship, we also surprisingly reflect on our relationship with God (or at least we should be!). Sure we don't have to worry about being accepted or rejected by God; He always accepts us. However, we do give up our "freedom" to be with Him. We give up on what we want to do, sometimes what we dream to do, to ensure that we maintain our relationship with God. Has God also given up a bit of His autonomy as well? Most certainly! He gave up his deity and his infinite power to be a human. He experienced everything that was good and wrong in this world. He even experienced our potential fate as sinners by feeling abandoned at the cross and did everything in His power to ensure that we will never experience this for ourselves.

Love does not make constraint unnecessary. There will always be a degree of limitations and discipline that we have to accept. However, love, like freedom, gives us fulfillment and joy in our lives. While we do have to give up a bit of ourselves to be with someone, we are more than happy to do so. When we fall in love, we don't think of our relationships as constraining, rather we are more than happy and willing to do whatever it takes to ensure that we stay together. While at the same time, our partner is doing the same thing as well. It is the exact same thing with our personal relationship with God. Just as He is willing to do anything to be with us, we are willing to do anything to be with Him, and we are happy to do so, even if it means giving up a part of us. Though we may find some constraint in loving God, we also find our own degree of "freedom" though Him.

This is ultimately the kind of love that I want on this Earth. Just as God has been willing to be with me and deal with me, just as I am willing to be with Him and deal with Him, I want to have that exact same feeling with whoever I may fall in love with, and be happy in doing so. Also, just as God has liberated me, I hope that my special someone and myself will liberate each other. This is not an ideal, rather this is how love should be in the first place! There may be people out there that think that this is rather "cheesy" or "crazy". Perhaps they have never experienced true love in their lives and that is rather a shame. After reflecting on my relationship with God, I aim to have the same exact feeling when I find that special girl in my life as I have already felt with God...

Like Heaven on Earth.

For the love of God impels us, once we have come to the conviction that one died for all; therefore, all have died. He indeed died for all, so that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised.

2 Corinthians 5:14-15 (NAB)

That is all.