It Just Isn't The Same...

Because I knew You...I have been changed for good.

-From the Musical Wicked

That was the statement that has resonated last weekend when I visited some of my good friends in Irvine. The question actually came up from a conversation from a friend. While this blog entry is not a direct response to this individual's concerns, it is definitely a statement that has popped in my mind every time I have visited Southern California as an alumnus. Perhaps it is a statement that has popped up the minds of all of us as well.

During a conversation at work, we were discussing what has been the best year we had so far. I tend to be quiet at work, so I didn't vocally answered. However, in my mind I knew that my best year so far was 2008. It was my last year in college, my classes were not too difficult, and I spent so much quality time with all my friends. This was also the year that I was forced to move back home because of the lack of a job, and it was also the year when the economy went completely sour. However, even with this terrible moment in my personal life that year, I had a blast, especially during that last week. During my "final" meeting in Liwanag before I left for the Bay Area, another friend and myself were prayed over by those I have considered my second family. That prayer to me was in a way an offering of spiritual supplies for my new journey in life as a recent graduate.

When I finally settled down back home, I visited from time to time, mostly because of the big events. It was also a time to catch up with those who I haven't talked to in a while. In these scarce opportunities in Irvine, I noticed that it was no longer the place that I once knew. My friends graduated in each passing year, and new people came in. I have had the opportunity to meet the young blood, and they are definitely a very good bunch. However, there was no realistic way to become close friends. I went to a few Liwanag meetings as an alumnus. While I'm glad at how big and fruitful the ministry has been, it has no longer the same effect that it had on me as an undergraduate. Even the Masses at Interfaith were not as impactful spiritually as it was back in the day. Things have changed. It just wasn't the same.

This visit really made the changes more apparent. 2011, the last class I have closely knew of prior to moving home, is graduating. Many of my other friends are now moving on to graduate school and spectacular or at the very least decent jobs. Some have even started their families (I probably should start working on that.). I look at myself, and I can confidently say that I have progressed somewhat as well. I am no longer in probation at work. I am currently content with where I am, and I look forward to the future. I have been challenged fiercely by God to look at my spiritual life. I have become an individual that has noticed my struggles and vices and has made a serious effort to combat them, which is definitely something I have never thought of even as a Logger. I have turned into a person that was principally and morally relative to someone who has stronger convictions in the faith. While I do have a much longer way to go, I have changed a bit myself.

Ultimately things will never be the same from 2008 or even before then. Can it ever be the same? Do we really want things to be the same? I believe the changes that I have observed have been a sort of response from the Almighty Himself. The changes, regardless of how drastic or how mundane they may be, has compelled me and has perhaps compelled us to look back and see where we progressed with God. Since 2008, He has blessed me and challenged me in so many ways. It was like His voice was a tad more clear in these last few years. Probably because I was a lot more fearful and vulnerable at my life since leaving Irvine and experiencing the drastic changes. For me at least, it was these changes when I found myself at my particularly weakest moment, when I have nothing to cover myself or keep my mind occupied with trivial things when God has spoken the loudest. Who knows what would've happened if I stayed in Southern California. Perhaps, I hate to admit, I would have never reflected my life this way if things didn't change. More seriously, I probably would have never changed.

Whether we are still active members of Liwanag or not, we are still going towards the same destination, to be with Him. However, for me and for many others, the path as an undergraduate active member has ended back in 2008. Instead, I have been directed into a new path. We all have been directed into new paths. While, we can no longer see each other as frequently as before, I always cherish those rare moments when we cross paths from time to time. I will always hope and pray that we see each other in the final destination. Godspeed in your new paths of life.

Liwanag for Life.

Child of God for life.

He has made everything appropriate to its time, and has put the timeless into their hearts, without men's ever discovering, from beginning to end, the work which God has done.

-Ecclesiastes 3:11 (NAB)

A.M.D.G.